So much for getting on here more!
I was cruising Blogs today, and I had a thought... Does anyone really read me? I mean, read my blog? I have not told family I am on here, and only a few friends. So what can I do to get my name out there? How do I make myself appealing to the masses?
It is almost every person's desire to be known. To be recognised, famous, etc. Why should I be any different. I want that. I want my name to be written down in the history books. But more importantly, I want my Mom's life to be known. It's like that song, by Jamie O'Neal, Somebody's Hero. Neither Mom nor I will actually make it in the annals of Motherhood, except for our own children, but that would be a wonderful accomplishment.
I would love to tell Mom's story. Write it all down, what she went through, what she suffered, Who she worshiped, and what she gained happiness from. Would I be able to do her justice? And if I am going to start this journey, I need all the help I can get from Dad, the Aunties, and my Uncle. Would I be able to make something they approve of?
Can I get Mom's story told without deviating? Will my writings be fact or fiction? Can I keep my heart out of the way and tell everything as she would have wanted me to?
I worry that if I do start a project such as this, I will fail supremely. Already in my life, I have failed Mom. And although I sought her forgiveness, and it was freely given, my heart hurts for the fact that I could not prove myself worthy of that forgiveness before she left. My only comfort is that she is watching me now, and I like to think that she approves of my life right now.
I have so many unanswered questions in my life. So many things I don't know if I will ever figure them out. But I plug along, for the sake of my children, my family, and my sanity.